This is one of the better things making the rounds on the internet right now:
The Bible explained by kids - truth has been redefined!
One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior church. We try to do more than baby-sit our church's beloved little ankle-biters during their time in our special junior church facility. We aim to give them a solid background in biblical history. At the end of each year, we give them pencils and paper and ask them to chronicle what they have learned. This assignment never fails to elicit some intriguing responses. In case you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our junior church students help you with this complete overview of the Bible, compiled from their essays:
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham.
Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then He gave them His top ten commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
There! Now you understand it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Holy Land Tour Logjam
I listen to Christian radio alot, and it seems as if every organization and ministry is offering a Holy Land Tour. "You'll walk where Jesus walked, by the sea of Galilee!" "Come take communion in the Upper Room, just like Jesus and the Disciples!" "We'll have special prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, just as our Lord did on this earth!"
One day, after hearing several ministries all making pleas for participation in their particular tour of the Holy Land, I got this ridiculous picture in my mind. Dozens of tour groups, each with their own little ministry tags and ID's, tramping around the Sea of Galilee. Myriad groups of Christian pilgrims, waiting their turn to down a thimble of juice and gulp a cracker in the Upper Room and then make way for the next group. The Garden of Gethsemane, the place where Christ contemplated the cross in fervent prayer, now a scene of bustling activity as each group is hustled through by tour guides and directed to the gift shop for a t-shirt or mug.
I'm sure this little comedy is only in my mind, and walking where our Savior walked would be an inspiring and spiritually uplifting experience. But if we really want to "follow in His steps", there is something more we can do.
Jesus went places that no one had gone before. He went to the outcast, to those that didn't have great standing in society, to those that couldn't repay the favor. He walked in love, in humility, in forgiveness, in obedience, in faithfulness, in fellowship with the Father. He walked to the cross, and lay down His life for others.
He went someplace else that was groundbreaking. He went beyond the physical and material to the spiritual. He taught that it's not enough to serve God with our outward man, but the inward man must serve Him also.
A lot of people are "taking Holy Land Tours", walking where Jesus walked in this earthly realm. If we really want to be His followers, we will walk where He walked in the spiritual realm. We will walk in obedience, in love, in forgiveness. Following in His steps means loving those who we don't categorize as loveable. Following in His steps means putting others before yourself. Following in His steps means walking in unbroken communion with our Father. For some it may mean walking away from some things that cause that communion to be broken. And for some it could mean literally walking across the living room, the office, or the sanctuary and saying "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." or "I'm sorry. I forgive you."
Walking by the Sea of Galilee is an easy way to follow in His steps. Walking in love is a bit more difficult.
One day, after hearing several ministries all making pleas for participation in their particular tour of the Holy Land, I got this ridiculous picture in my mind. Dozens of tour groups, each with their own little ministry tags and ID's, tramping around the Sea of Galilee. Myriad groups of Christian pilgrims, waiting their turn to down a thimble of juice and gulp a cracker in the Upper Room and then make way for the next group. The Garden of Gethsemane, the place where Christ contemplated the cross in fervent prayer, now a scene of bustling activity as each group is hustled through by tour guides and directed to the gift shop for a t-shirt or mug.
I'm sure this little comedy is only in my mind, and walking where our Savior walked would be an inspiring and spiritually uplifting experience. But if we really want to "follow in His steps", there is something more we can do.
Jesus went places that no one had gone before. He went to the outcast, to those that didn't have great standing in society, to those that couldn't repay the favor. He walked in love, in humility, in forgiveness, in obedience, in faithfulness, in fellowship with the Father. He walked to the cross, and lay down His life for others.
He went someplace else that was groundbreaking. He went beyond the physical and material to the spiritual. He taught that it's not enough to serve God with our outward man, but the inward man must serve Him also.
A lot of people are "taking Holy Land Tours", walking where Jesus walked in this earthly realm. If we really want to be His followers, we will walk where He walked in the spiritual realm. We will walk in obedience, in love, in forgiveness. Following in His steps means loving those who we don't categorize as loveable. Following in His steps means putting others before yourself. Following in His steps means walking in unbroken communion with our Father. For some it may mean walking away from some things that cause that communion to be broken. And for some it could mean literally walking across the living room, the office, or the sanctuary and saying "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." or "I'm sorry. I forgive you."
Walking by the Sea of Galilee is an easy way to follow in His steps. Walking in love is a bit more difficult.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Thinking About The Ant...
I mentioned yesterday that my darling husband jokingly woke me up at 4am with these words, "Wake up, it's morning...think about the ant!" (He was joking and he was smiling) He was also making a direct reference to Proverbs 6:6-11. Here is that verse from The Message:
6-11 You lazy fool, look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do. All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent houseguest!
Well, I did get up out of bed, and while I went about my routine, I did "think about the ant". This verse tells us to look at an ant, watch it closely, and learn from it. On the surface this obviously tells us not to be lazy, but if we take that closer look I think we can learn even more.
When I taught kindergarten I had an ant farm in the classroom, and I used it to teach the kids about cooperation and hard work. Ants are pretty amazing, and like the verse says they can teach us a thing or two if we watch them closely. In the ant colony every ant has a job. The colony has areas divided up for different purposes such as food storage, raising little ants, and even has a mortuary where some ants take the job of disposing of the dead ants. There is an infirmary where some "nurse ants' take care of those who are weak and sick. Some colonies have "warrior ants" that provide a line of defense. Some ants gather food, some do the physical work of building the colony's rooms. It is fascinating to watch all this activity. There is also some down time, when the ants literally stop moving and rest from their work. (This is called diapause, for you trivia buffs!)
Ants don't form bloated committees, bureaucracies, or focus groups to figure out what needs to be done. Somehow they understand "the basics" and take care of what matters. They don't say "this or that needs to be done" and then all nod in agreement, but no one does what is needed.
Ants are smart enough to save up for a rainy day, to put something back for the future. Somehow they know that there are going to be times of plenty and "lean seasons", too. They are smart enough to divide the work, so that everyone plays a part instead of just a few doing everything that needs to be done. They are smart enough to stop and take a break, instead of working themselves to death. In all this clockwork precision of activity the young are still nurtured, the sick and dying are cared for. Ants are smart enough to do all these things.
What a picture of how the church should operate! Everyone participating, everyone with a job to do, instead of just the few working til burnout hits. The understanding of and preparation for both good times and bad. Focusing on the basic fundamentals of Christianity that cannot be neglected. There is no "me mentality" but all things are done out of love for one another. (a verse in Romans 12 says "practice playing second fiddle"!) The young (both chronologically and spiritually), the sick, the dying, all cared for. And in the midst of all this activity, time is taken to literally stop and rest, and truly worship.
In an ant farm, the colony cannot grow and reproduce without a queen. They may work for a while, but without her the colony will eventually die out. In the same way, without the presence of Christ, our King, we cannot truly function as a church. There are many churches that are a beehive (or anthill!) of activity, yet the Lord is not really there at all. Christ must be central to all we do, both as a church and as individuals.
Paul used the interworkings of the human body to describe how the body of Christ functions. If we would "look at an ant" it could also "teach us a thing or two" about how the church and its' members should operate. What part are you actively playing? Do you have a "second fiddle" mentality, with Christ and others placed ahead of you? And will you stop the activity to rest in Him this week? Think about the ant...
(adapted/expanded from another personal blog - all scripture from "The Message")
6-11 You lazy fool, look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do. All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?
How long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent houseguest!
Well, I did get up out of bed, and while I went about my routine, I did "think about the ant". This verse tells us to look at an ant, watch it closely, and learn from it. On the surface this obviously tells us not to be lazy, but if we take that closer look I think we can learn even more.
When I taught kindergarten I had an ant farm in the classroom, and I used it to teach the kids about cooperation and hard work. Ants are pretty amazing, and like the verse says they can teach us a thing or two if we watch them closely. In the ant colony every ant has a job. The colony has areas divided up for different purposes such as food storage, raising little ants, and even has a mortuary where some ants take the job of disposing of the dead ants. There is an infirmary where some "nurse ants' take care of those who are weak and sick. Some colonies have "warrior ants" that provide a line of defense. Some ants gather food, some do the physical work of building the colony's rooms. It is fascinating to watch all this activity. There is also some down time, when the ants literally stop moving and rest from their work. (This is called diapause, for you trivia buffs!)
Ants don't form bloated committees, bureaucracies, or focus groups to figure out what needs to be done. Somehow they understand "the basics" and take care of what matters. They don't say "this or that needs to be done" and then all nod in agreement, but no one does what is needed.
Ants are smart enough to save up for a rainy day, to put something back for the future. Somehow they know that there are going to be times of plenty and "lean seasons", too. They are smart enough to divide the work, so that everyone plays a part instead of just a few doing everything that needs to be done. They are smart enough to stop and take a break, instead of working themselves to death. In all this clockwork precision of activity the young are still nurtured, the sick and dying are cared for. Ants are smart enough to do all these things.
What a picture of how the church should operate! Everyone participating, everyone with a job to do, instead of just the few working til burnout hits. The understanding of and preparation for both good times and bad. Focusing on the basic fundamentals of Christianity that cannot be neglected. There is no "me mentality" but all things are done out of love for one another. (a verse in Romans 12 says "practice playing second fiddle"!) The young (both chronologically and spiritually), the sick, the dying, all cared for. And in the midst of all this activity, time is taken to literally stop and rest, and truly worship.
In an ant farm, the colony cannot grow and reproduce without a queen. They may work for a while, but without her the colony will eventually die out. In the same way, without the presence of Christ, our King, we cannot truly function as a church. There are many churches that are a beehive (or anthill!) of activity, yet the Lord is not really there at all. Christ must be central to all we do, both as a church and as individuals.
Paul used the interworkings of the human body to describe how the body of Christ functions. If we would "look at an ant" it could also "teach us a thing or two" about how the church and its' members should operate. What part are you actively playing? Do you have a "second fiddle" mentality, with Christ and others placed ahead of you? And will you stop the activity to rest in Him this week? Think about the ant...
(adapted/expanded from another personal blog - all scripture from "The Message")
Friday, February 15, 2008
Was Yesterday Valentine's Day?
This was originally posted on our church website blog in response to some other posts, but thought I would share it here. Even if you don't know the "who", I hope you will understand the "what and why".
Valentine's Day kind of limped past at our house, too. Jeff woke me up at 4am jokingly saying "Get up, it's morning...think about the ant!" I think he had been reading Proverbs 6 the night before. That was not exactly the way most women would start a "perfect dream holiday of love and romance" but it was our normal routine. He got up and went to work, but I have become accustomed to him not being there sometimes on Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, etc. so Valentine's is no big deal. He came in from work and ate something quickly standing up and had to go to the shop to make a part for a farmer's broken down tractor, so there was no candlelit dinner here either. There were no cards, no chocolates, and we didn't even mention that it was Valentine's until right before we went to sleep that night. All we exchanged were the words "Happy Valentine's Day", but a lot more was "exchanged" that really shows what love is. Like Tracy said, the getting up and going to work when you don't want to, but because you love someone, the getting up and fixing breakfast (when you ache all over) because you love someone, etc. Just the normal routine that says "I love you" more than a card ever could. Maybe sometime in the future when time allows we can go have a meal out or something "romantic", but life and love don't always work around a "holiday" schedule. Life went on just as usual this Valentine's Day, but it was that usual routine that showed what love really means.
We are very blessed, aren't we, not to just have the Christian husbands we have...but also to know and understand what love is about. So many people think it is about what cards or flowers or candy you give and get, but true Godly love is about giving and receiving things that can't be bought.
(P.S. Even if he had come home and said "let's go, I'm taking you out for a romantic dinner" I would have had to pass anyway! Ha Ha I hadn't washed my hair since Saturday and hadn't touched makeup since Sunday. true confession time. I didn't look OR FEEL like a Valentine yesterday!)
Valentine's Day kind of limped past at our house, too. Jeff woke me up at 4am jokingly saying "Get up, it's morning...think about the ant!" I think he had been reading Proverbs 6 the night before. That was not exactly the way most women would start a "perfect dream holiday of love and romance" but it was our normal routine. He got up and went to work, but I have become accustomed to him not being there sometimes on Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, etc. so Valentine's is no big deal. He came in from work and ate something quickly standing up and had to go to the shop to make a part for a farmer's broken down tractor, so there was no candlelit dinner here either. There were no cards, no chocolates, and we didn't even mention that it was Valentine's until right before we went to sleep that night. All we exchanged were the words "Happy Valentine's Day", but a lot more was "exchanged" that really shows what love is. Like Tracy said, the getting up and going to work when you don't want to, but because you love someone, the getting up and fixing breakfast (when you ache all over) because you love someone, etc. Just the normal routine that says "I love you" more than a card ever could. Maybe sometime in the future when time allows we can go have a meal out or something "romantic", but life and love don't always work around a "holiday" schedule. Life went on just as usual this Valentine's Day, but it was that usual routine that showed what love really means.
We are very blessed, aren't we, not to just have the Christian husbands we have...but also to know and understand what love is about. So many people think it is about what cards or flowers or candy you give and get, but true Godly love is about giving and receiving things that can't be bought.
(P.S. Even if he had come home and said "let's go, I'm taking you out for a romantic dinner" I would have had to pass anyway! Ha Ha I hadn't washed my hair since Saturday and hadn't touched makeup since Sunday. true confession time. I didn't look OR FEEL like a Valentine yesterday!)
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Laughing Chicken
What does a laughing chicken have to do with anything? Well, my mother didn't teach me how to cook, but she did teach me how to laugh. When I was growing up we had a rubber chicken hanging in the kitchen, and I still keep one in my kitchen today. It is a reminder to look for the humor and fun in everyday living.
Proverbs 15 contains some wisdom for everyday living, and one of my favorite verses. "For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast." (NLT) A continual feast! I like the way that sounds. And this just seems to say that "it's all in the attitude." If you look for the fun in life you will find it. Life is going to have both good times and bad, but one thing that will help get you through both is a sense of humor. One way to translate this verse might be: "If you have the right attitude, life is one big buffet!"
Not everything we feast on in this "buffet of life" is calorie-laden. Friendships, family, love, beauty, a smile, laughter, forgiving and being forgiven, a job well done, a good chocolate sundae...oh, wait...all of these things are part of the continual feast.
I am thankful that as I was growing up, the laughing chicken was there. The sense of humor that developed in my childhood has made the difficult times in life a little easier to get through. Today my laughing chicken sits on my refrigerator, and plays an occasional bit part in a skit at church. Even when I can't see the chicken, that "laughing chicken attitude" is still there, giving me a happy heart. And making life, both the good and the bad, into a continual feast.
Proverbs 15 contains some wisdom for everyday living, and one of my favorite verses. "For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast." (NLT) A continual feast! I like the way that sounds. And this just seems to say that "it's all in the attitude." If you look for the fun in life you will find it. Life is going to have both good times and bad, but one thing that will help get you through both is a sense of humor. One way to translate this verse might be: "If you have the right attitude, life is one big buffet!"
Not everything we feast on in this "buffet of life" is calorie-laden. Friendships, family, love, beauty, a smile, laughter, forgiving and being forgiven, a job well done, a good chocolate sundae...oh, wait...all of these things are part of the continual feast.
I am thankful that as I was growing up, the laughing chicken was there. The sense of humor that developed in my childhood has made the difficult times in life a little easier to get through. Today my laughing chicken sits on my refrigerator, and plays an occasional bit part in a skit at church. Even when I can't see the chicken, that "laughing chicken attitude" is still there, giving me a happy heart. And making life, both the good and the bad, into a continual feast.
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